some fans pray, I drink.

To anyone going to the game tonight, remember, to bring your "FIRE (insert name here)" signs and brown bags to cover your face with. Just a friendly reminder that in 5 months the draught will reach 59 years. oh, I forgot, some of you more "positive" fans still had hope.

Unbelievable beyond description. This team is going to kill me. No, I'm not kidding. I take losses personally. I always have. After a loss I dont want to be bothered, I dont want to be talked to. I like to throw things and stare at my tv for an hour after the final out. I allow myself to believe I really had something to do with how and why they lost and feel insulted when I realize that it was actually the players, not me, that lost.

I've strongly considered counseling to deal with this agonizing fandom I so willingly subject myself to. The only counselor I've expressed interest in talking to about this is my father, who is often the brunt of my raging phone calls about blowing the team up and moving out of the city.

As I write this, Myself and fans on the teams messageboard are helping me put together a list noting the 10 ways they'll blow the game tonight despite Sabathia's 4-1 record so far and dominant record against that other team from chicago.

Reasons so far:
1. Chicago scores more runs than Cleveland.
2. Buerhle shows up in a Cy Young costume.
3. Danny Graves is somehow in the bullpen, and he gets put in, but with this team he could probably blow it in the bullpen.
4. Blake goes hitless again tonight.
5. Martinez continues to swing at balls and watch strikes go right by him.
6. more Peralta errors, oh, and that thing called not hitting, or hussle.
7. its fucking hot
8. Mota gives up not one, but TWO homeruns with the game on the line.
9. wickman
10. Shapiro re-signed Jose Jimenez

1948.

You had it coming, punk.

A.J. Pierzynski, catcher for the chicago white sux has had the reputation of a dirty player with a big mouth to the extreme of his own teammates strongly disliking him.

The heated windy city rivalry spilled over to a bench clearing brawl after Cubs catcher Michael Barrett took his teams frustrations and pierzynskis attitude adjustments into his own hands.

Pierzynski was coming home to score when he lowered his shoulder into Barrett in an attempt to knock loose the ball..only problem was that it wasnt in Barretts glove yet. Pierzynski got up and slapped home plate with arrogant force. He then started walking TOWARDS the CUBS dugout. I'm pretty sure he wasnt going over there to say something nice to the cubs bench so barrett stopped him and aj said something or probably even spit in his face so barrett acted out and decked him right in the mouth.

and to all the pathetic white sox fans who read this:

aj is a punk and deserved every punch barrett might have landed and oh, good job on gang jumping John Mabry. why dont you fucking thugs try something like that when Zambrano pitches tomorrow, he was looking to deck someone today so I dare your "players" to try something like that with him.

Ozzie nutcase guillen has said since he became the manager of your second rate team in chicago that he was getting rid of the "bad attitude" that the white sox have been known for.

Guillen seems to forget that he PLAYED on those teams with THOSE players. he was a BIG part of it. yet he lands guys like this pathetic excuse for a "baseball player"? your logo even looks gang related, your stadium is in a terrible neighborhood where 3 people were stabbed in the same week after a game.

that same attitude shows its face in your hillbilly cheerleading television announcers and makes its way into the front office in Kenny williams. tell me your "fans" wont boo frank thomas when he comes back?

you guys might have "won" a world series (alot of calls that went your way not only in the series but also against the angels) but you never will be more important or even a first thought in the minds of the real baseball fans that live in chicago no matter what your GOD of a manager tells you.

1,2, or even 5 rings wont do anything but allow CUBS fans to despise you even more, not out of jealousy but out of sarcastic sympathy that you actually think your team sits on the same level as the red sox or cubs.

keep laughing, we'll see where all your so called "fans" are should your stepchild team have even ONE losing season in the next year. that dump of a park will be empty once again.

Bonds and 714:

The single season record is still 61.

I think I've more than turned on bonds. I've loved to watch this guy hit over the years but he did admit to using something. he only said he had "no idea". thats ridiculous, his trainer could give him rat poison and he wouldnt question it?

hes been a brat his whole life and disrupted the clubhouse of his fathers teams and annoyed players to the point of having kids banned from the locker room.

He wouldnt even take batting practice with his team in high school even as scouts sat in the bleachers. it was always about him.

hes admitted many times that he was jealous of the other roid heads in Mcguire and sosa during the 98 season and "couldnt stand not having the attention they did".

that is when I think he started using.

It still takes talent to hit a 98 MPH fastball, but at the same time...come on..if anyone should be chasing this record, its Griffey, without all the injuries, think of where he'd be in this chase

a royal flush, and more of the same.

3 games against the worst team (well, in the standings it seems) in baseball. The Royals outcoached, outplayed and flat out, outclassed Cleveland. In all 3 games Cleveland had leads of 3 runs or more and blew every single one of them.

It was K.C. that looked like the team playing for first place.

Eric Wedge doesnt have a clue and I have no idea why I give him the respect of capitalizing his name.

He absolutely does not get it. A guy I worked with actually told me last year that Eric was a "great and inspiring manager"; I laughed, and proceeded to resist decking him.

Steve Phillips, during a spring training telecast this year, praised Mark Shapiro for 3 innings straight. His co-host would interrupt him and try to talk about the game being played but phillips would not shut up. "boy, what a job mark shapiro has done with this organization after all the heat he took from trading away bartolo colon, this has become the most dangerous team in baseball"...

Dear Steve fucking Phillips,
you had one of the highest payrolls in baseball to work with. your farm system was depleted because it'd been ignored for so long and you did nothing to fix it. You being the same guy that drove the Mets Franchise into the ground after their world series appearance and are the same problems Omar Minaya has been fixing for the last 2 years. You have the audacity to suggest The Indians general manager actually knows what hes doing? I guess you failed to see who we let go in the offseason and the rejects we replaced these players with.
Yea, GREAT JOB MARK. The multi-year-million dollar deals that peralta, hafner, sizemore, and martinez recieved were to cover your ass for the way you handle things.

1. A player starts to peek and has a good season, is on the verge of a career year.

2. has a career year.

3. they've become too expensive for you so they're traded for prospects ( with who you will treat the same when their time comes) and/or are outright released.

The Bullpen is shambles Mark and Steve, hows the trade and release of Howry and Rhodes looking now? I didnt think so.

the one good thing they did this year:

I have been a broussard supporter through and through, his 3 grand slams in the same week in 2004, his 1st inning 3 run bomb against minnesota the weekend we were playing for first place, and his 2 walk off home runs.
but he must have the worst downside I've ever seen in a player. When I've watched benny during his "hot" streaks, he is the hardest out in baseball. I dont care if that ball is coming in at 200 mph, hes going to crush it, but when hes not on, he cant hit anything.

I cant believe wedge actually figured out how to get consistent production from benny. bringing in a guy who absolutely crushes lefties is really the only thing I think that kept broussard here another year; although, graves, boone, and michaels and (insert worst FA signing here) lead me to believe further that wedge and shapiro are simply the biggest fucking idiots in the world.


I hate fairweather fans. I couldnt stand going to the park the last 2 years and seeing thirty thousand plus seats empty. its cold in april, I realize, kids are still in school then, I get that, it gets cold at night, i get that too, but whatever the reason, people are not coming out. get to that park....browns season doesnt start for another 5 months.

but I think I do get it. I cant blame anyone for deciding not to go see this little league team play every night. with the amount of my money that goes into these F.O. liars pockets, its sickening.

anyway, I'm losing track of my point. this team is just outright disgusting. can peralta not afford a dry cleaner? some one tell him hes supposed to dive instead of walk to the fucking ball.

we lost, again.

TO THE FUCKING ROYALS

so I'm just going to go through the game with a conversation I had with tony this morning...

Me: We SUCK. we are absolutely, completely HORRIBLE.

Tony: yea, I know. we fucking blew it, offense is good but our pitching blows. we had that game.

Me: our offense is quite terrible too. we got lucky breaks against bad pitching. Bryd and Johnson are just worthless. Millwood and Elarton were the top 4 and 5 bottom rotation guys in baseball last year and we just let them walk?! they were more than worth the extra money. they're 35 + has beens and Johnson wasnt even good enough to make the Tigers staff. I'm going to hang him, or myself.

Tony: Byrd is alright, but you're right, Johnson is worthless.

Me: Bryd does fine the first 4 innings then implodes. he ALWAYS gives up that hit that gets the other team back into the game. FIRE WEDGE GOD DAMNIT.

Tony: amen, you said it. wedge needs to go, he has absolutely no clue on how to manage a baseball team. hes an idiot.

Me: see? I knew you'd understand. Im debating if I should even stay up to watch the game, god knows I need the sleep and i hate talking like this but I dont want to sit through 3 hours watching the biggest group of underachievers in baseball lose to the worst group of underachievers. we already lost the series, they're going to sweep us!. I can stomach sleeping through it not knowing my day was already ruined until I read the boxscore tonight rather than watching it and then going to bed knowing my day was ruined.

Tony: I know what you mean but this is our team, we gotta be there for them. you didnt really expect us to win the world series this year did you?

Me: tell that to our GM.

Tony: I'd stay up, dont be that fairweather guy.

Me: you're right, you know me better than that. is this why people cheer for the yankees? its disgusting, it really is. they'll never know what it feels like to win anything because they win EVERYTHING. they'll never know what its like to suffer with one team you're entire life and never reap the rewards of losing. Boston did it, why not us?!

As you can see tony is the calmer one here, but dont let the boy fool you, he can catch fire with the best of them. Him and I were yelling and cursing at aaron boone so fucking loud against oakland last year that the whole section was staring at and clapping for us. one guy even bought us a beer. We were congratulated by browns fans walking out of the stadium after the 2004 opener against baltimore. getting praise from other browns fans says something.

I hate the indians.

I hate cheering for these teams.

The 2006 Major League Baseball season opened on Wednesday, April 2nd with Cleveland and Chicago playing on ESPN. The Indians, (SURPRIZE!) as they left off last year, lost to the white sox after a 2 and a half hour rain delay.

It saw the unvealing of their world series "title" banner in center field. *
It saw the return of Jim Thome in a white sox uniform.*
It saw C.C. Sabathia go down in the 3rd inning with a pulled muscle in his ribs? !@#$%^

Coco Crisp, David Riske and Josh Bard are gone to boston for Setup man Guillermo Mota, and catching prospect Kelly Shoppach. Bobby Howry (cubs) and Kevin Millwood (rangers) left via free agency.

I was absolutely irate when I read this. It just intensified my hatred and disapproval for our cheap and deceptive front office. To lose such an integral part of our offense and pitching staff is going to be very hard to deal with, especially Coco. The only part of the deal that made it easier to take was the aquisition of The #1 rated prospect in all of baseball, 3B Andy Marte.

So we traded Lefty specialist Arthur Rhodes to the Philadelphia Phillies for Jason Michaels; a rotational guy who is apparently a great defensive player, has the speed to steal bases, can hit for average..his current stats through 32 games are 1, ( ONE! ) home run and 11 rbis...hmm...

Mark Shapiro's excuses are small market teams with limited payroll and trying to convince quality players to come here is a hassle because of said limited funds. He hired a minor league manager in Eric fucking wedge who likes to rock back and forth in the dugout and chew sunflower seeds. Yes, the win column increases every year, yes Martinez, Hafner, Sizemore are 3 of the best players in baseball BUT HE DOESNT HAVE THE NUTS TO TAKE CHANCES WHEN IT MATTERS. I.E: the 4 game series on the last week of the 2005 season that saw us get swept out of the playoffs and the division title wiped away by the white sux B TEAM.

Cleveland is the city you come to as an athlete when your career is over or never had any meaning at all. its the brunt of jokes in the NFL, the fire of lake erie, the mistake on the lake..etc etc. Robert Wagner referenced it in the movie "delirious" when he said "I have to go to...Cleveland? I hate cleveland".

Espn voted us as the most tortured sports city in america.

and yet...the fans come back every year. like the kid getting beat up every day by the school yard bully. you know you're never going to win but after awhile you seem to enjoy the torment and embarrassment because its given you some sort of fucked up identity.

The Kansas city Royals have been the worst run and operated sports franchise for the last decade but at least they've won a world series title in the last 20 years, The Browns have never even been to, let alone won a superbowl, the Cavs an NBA title, and my Father wasnt alive the last time the Indians won the world series.

I hold the utmost admiration for Red Sox and Cubs fans. They sell out every game and every year their team finds a way to disappoint them, to bring them to tears and in counseling, but they always come back.

Every new season is their year. "this time its ours" is what they say. unwavering loyalty only a dog or a cat could give.

But I get it..I really do get it ..Cleveland sports fans get it...this is us, every single year, only I daydream and write about the ways they're going to blow it this time. They've turned losing into an artform. But I'm still there, every year Im in that stadium screaming my lungs raw and gulping as much beer as I possibly can in a 3 hour span. thats the good thing about sports..no matter if you're winning or losing, you're probably numb and drunk as hell by that point.

The Fanbases of the Cubs and Red sox are 2 of the largest franchise followings in all of sports. What those teams mean to its fans reminds me alot of what the Cleveland browns mean to this city. Every sunday is a holiday here. My parents seriously had the police called to our house a few times because they were so out of control the neighbors thought someone was being beaten on.

Cleveland is first and foremost a football town, always has been. The Cleveland indians sell out games, but not every night, but I dont care, as long as I see the usual die hards I've made friendships with, I'm happy, let the bandwagon dipshits stay home and read the boxscore in the paper.

and like the cubs and red sox, we know exactly what its like to _almost_ get there only to have that chance, that moment ripped away.

1954 World Series: Willie Mays makes his infamous "basket catch" as the New York Giants sweep The Indians in 4 games. The Franchise would swim in embarrassment and not appear in another World series for another 42 years.

1960: After helping Cleveland win the world series 12 years earlier, Rocky Caluvito was traded to the Detroit Tigers for Harvey Kuenn.

1986 AFC championship - the drive: I was only 3 years old but still to this day remember and think about that game. all we had to do was kick a field goal in OT and we were going to the superbowl.

John "I look, but dont run like a horse" Elway beats us to it. marching 98 yards to tie it up, send it to OT, they force us to go 3 and out..no time wasted..they kick the winning field goal.. ( it was wide!, I swear to god it went wide!)

1987 - the fumble: cleveland driving for the win..earnest byner going in fumbles the ball on the 2 yard line, the broncos get a field goal to seal it.

1989 AFC championship: denver again. I could vomit just remembering this shit

1992 NBA Conference Finals: Michael Jordans shot against the cavs with no time on the clock.

1994: The MLB strike: Cleveland stood at 100-49 and had their division won by a record 30 games.

1995 world series: after having the best record in baseball all year..lose the series 4-1 to Atlanta.. this was also the year we lost the browns.

1997. The "Mesa-up": Jose mesa needs 3 outs..he walks first 2 batters..tony fernandez does his best buckner ( I'm so sorry i said that name..) impression and the next batter hits the next pitch into centerfield.

(*) I hate the fucking white sox. I was going into work the night of game 4, I saw the last out..ran to the bathroom and was dry heaving for 5 minutes. I'm not making this shit up. Jim thome is a traitor and a liar and a self absorbed prick.

!@#$%^ - that was me punching the keyboard.